This is from March 5, 2024, but deserved to be revisited today.
RJ had an amazing video today about some of his favorite aphorisms.
My Top Five – Personal Aphorisms (And Their Origins) by The Flourishing
One of them is “Will X thank me for Y?” People tend to have many self-destructive habits and recognizing these before it’s too late is really important. Many people don’t fully appreciate causality.
“The map is not the territory.” I love that aphorism. Comes from an essay collection by Jonathan Z Smith. “Map is not territory” quoted from Alfred Korzybski.
It’s about understanding perceptions, ‘map,’ and the actual reality, ‘territory.’ Great write up on this: https://fs.blog/map-and-territory/
“I am not doomed to see myself through other people’s eyes.” This is an empowerment aphorism more of us need to adopt. He mentions something called a Johari window. I’ve seen these but I never knew what they were called. The four boxes are known to self, not known to self, known to others, not known to others.
The four outcomes using adjectives chosen both by you and others in a group:
- Known to others and known to self – the arena
- Not known to self and known to others – the blind spot (potentially helpful input from others)
- Not known to others and known to self – the facade
- Not known to both – unknown (unconscious)
The four quadrants or rooms aren’t meant to be equally spaced and are constantly shifting.
It can also be used as a risk management tool, among other domains
“You can only do your best” (in the circumstances) self-actualization. Many people, myself included, very much struggle with this. He really struggled with school, for example, being put in certain streams that set him up to struggle. Everyone in the US gets spoon fed the same bullshit. But in Britain and other parts of the world, people still fall between the cracks out of a numbers game.
Fortunately his parents left it up to him. He chose to stay on another year, taking slightly different courses, then went to work instead of university right afterward. He got his undergrad work done while working. I wish I’d had the choice to just work, which is what I wanted to do. Obviously it worked for him and eventually for me, as well.
Here’s something fascinating: “Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds” that was first published in 1841
“The most popular answer is not the most accurate answer” yet here we are with all the most fact checking apparatus available… and we still give in to popular delusions. Even school teachers… There is wisdom in crowds, but you have to be very careful!
A bonus aphorism: “treat people as ends in and of themselves, and not as a means to an end.” I’ve often been treated as the latter…
I left a comment telling RJ this may be the best video he ever made and that it made me rethink my own maps of reality.
He actually replied 🙂
“Thank you. I found it very cathartic to make. I’ve always been fascinated in where my ‘maps’ come from. I remember reading a book called ‘The Four Agreements’ where the author talked about a concept, I think they called it the ‘The Book Of The Law’ and that really made me think about how some maps can hold us back from fulfillment.”
I created a response to this:
“I wish more people would reflect on how they draw their maps. Most people unconsciously go along with societal or familiar expectations to help guide our thinking and actions. In my own life, I’ve made many ruinous decisions because some of the beliefs I’d been taught lead me astray. I cost myself years of potential fulfillment because I let others who didn’t have my best interests in mind scribble wildly all over my own maps.
Realizing that some of these internalized maps might be limiting us is a powerful first step towards becoming our best true selves. Whenever we are faced with a significant potentially life altering decision, we must be critical of what parts of our “reality maps” serve us and which do not. By understanding that these maps are not the territory, but merely representations, we can begin to redraw them more accurately, in ways that align with our authentic selves and our aspirations. Of course, even the best maps are imperfect, but just because they will never be quite complete doesn’t mean we shouldn’t aspire to improve them to the best possible version we can, under the circumstances.
Of course, this introspective journey of questioning isn’t always easy, as it involves confronting deep-seated beliefs and the norms of those who are dear to us. However, while it can seem dangerous, this path towards more genuine self-awareness and fulfillment is always the better choice over giving into complacency. As you’ve found catharsis in exploring these ideas, the making of this video has been especially valuable for me to consider which ‘maps’ I’m ready to revise or even discard altogether. After all, the pursuit of self-knowledge and personal growth is a continuous process, one that’s enriched by such critical examination of the beliefs and models that shape our lives.
You are a great teacher of actionable life experience, and it’s a shame that more people don’t watch these videos except for nightly relaxation. I admit that I enjoy the unintentional asmr but I also greatly enjoy your discussions, even if sometimes the rabbit holes get a bit too close to the earth’s core :p”
He replied again: “Thanks for taking the time to formulate your thoughts on the introspective journey and your kind words. As I was reading the comment for some reason I was drawn to further reflect on this through the poem/walking song the ‘Road Goes Ever on’, that exists in several forms, in the work of J. R. R. Tolkien.
https://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/The_Road_Goes_Ever_On_(song)
I’m looking forward to see what rabbit hole(s) the next video goes down. Sometimes the only way is through the planet core.”
… I’d love to come back to this idea.
[And in June 2026, that video only has about 100 views. An absolute shame, because it’s perhaps the best video he’s ever made.]
