These were written 2007/2008 and tinkered with over the past decade-plus. I didn’t really know where to publish them, so on Obscure Curiosities they went. I’ve tweaked a bit more in 2026, but for the most part, these are my original thoughts from the later years of my ill-fated “college experience.”

I

There is always the possibility that by reaching for what at first you deem impossible, you could get yourself very close to that seemingly unattainable goal.

As hard as it is to not be bitter at the world for its increasingly degenerate condition, I am doing whatever I can to make a positive light of things, make the best of what situations I find myself in. But it is a constant struggle to not feel too isolated, and it is a struggle in which I often find myself on the short end of the rope. I will not give in to the pressures that have crushed even more daring souls than myself.

Though people admire me for my apparent intelligence, I am a very stubborn and single-minded human being who wants things her way all the time; even if I seem to accept circumstances for what they are, there is rarely a moment that I am not upset with myself for not doing something to change things significantly, sometimes for the better of all around me, but all too often for my own selfish purposes. It is, I suppose, just human nature and there isn’t any way of denying that. 

But enough of myself…I have a greater concept with which to grapple, and that is, creativity. I need to do far more research on the subject, but I feel that I am not exercising my mind correctly to unleash my true creative potential. Throughout my education, people have been too impressed with the feeble offerings I have produced for academic work thus far. This is not to say my work has been all busy worthless junk, but I feel tremendously disappointed from what I have produced thus far. 

It is my belief that there is more than can be tapped from my abilities, but I simply have not had the ideas, or more importantly the motivation, to pursue challenging myself in new and creative ways. All there has been is a mix of boredom and frustration. I find myself put to tasks that are much too mundane for me to care about, or that are simply a waste of my time, with no room to exude any particular sort of brilliance. This is not ego, however; it is simply that my brain refuses to work for the purposes of inane bullshit.

I am quite unnerved with the slow progress of my development as a creative Writer. I will keep emphasizing every form of the word creativity till I feel I have completely mastered not only its simple meanings, but also all the nuances of the greater concept it involves. It may be a lost cause, as any supposed creative endeavor may end up being, but I suppose it beats frustrating me trying to write any more stupid fantasy or aimless fiction written for no more than entertainment. I want to inform. I want to educate. I’m just not quite sure the best way to go about it.

Any ideas are welcome. This is a learning process that should never be limited to just one soul. Before any of us can truly learn how to learn, we must understand what creativity truly is. I have exhausted what motivation I had for being a novelist, indeed, a childish dream, and a task to which I seem to not be well-suited. I need big ideas to tackle. I don’t want to be bothered with plot or character development. Reality is always going to be more fascinating, if not more horrifying, than anything any fiction can produce. It is Reality which I need to cope with more effectively, so that I may write about it – the thing that most needs to be written about clearly and creatively, now more than ever, minus the bullshit we’re spoon-fed on a daily basis.

II

I suppose I should struggle to try and define creativity on my own. But before I can do that, I must tackle yet another definition: genius.

I have been called a genius by many, sometimes even a creative genius. For some reason, and this may be a terrible fault on my part, I don’t see it. I do know that I have a rather unique perspective on a great many things, and perhaps I am more keen in some areas than many others are, but I certainly have a very hard time considering myself as a genius.

Honestly, we aren’t really taught the definitions of creativity and genius in school. We see something different and unusual and assign these words so loosely to them. Many curiosities that we encounter day-to-day are often considered works of “genius,” I believe that something that is “genius” is something that is useful and changes some way of understanding or doing something. Someone who is a genius is a person who can do that on a consistent basis, I suppose. 

I have heard that genius is making the very best out of what you already have and making something new out of it. I suppose that’s a good definition. But for my purposes here, I need a more concrete understanding of not only the words but the very ideas, the very essences of what creativity and genius truly are.

It somewhat feels silly to me to ponder what should seem to be simple concepts. But I think we have too general an understanding (if you can even call it an understanding) of what true human genius and creativity involve. If anything, this is an exercise to try and get my brain to ask more questions about general concepts. 

I need to delve into them to see if there is more underneath that is essential to my purposes in trying to best convey myself. I wish to not keep these discoveries only to myself. They should be shared, and they shall be. At the very least, my attempts will be well documented.

[Oh, it seems the seeds for Obscure Curiosities were planted all the way back then, now nearly 20 years on…]

Perhaps, the very meaning of understanding truly needs to be better understood. I feel that understanding has become almost too synonymous with memorizing. So many things I still need to understand that I was already convinced I understood, whatever it actually means to understand.

Perhaps a genius is actually just someone who thinks too much for his or her own good, and drives him/herself crazy in the process. Then, sadly, I am not so pleased to admit that I am the epitome of that sort of genius. But all emotional masochism aside, let’s tackle first the most simple of these three things I have mentioned so far: creativity, genius, and understanding.

I think before we even get to creativity, or even genius, understanding is the thing that most needs to be understood. It may be getting a bit confusing at this point, but bear with me.

III

As I have already outlined, creativity involves a great deal of understanding of the things that already exist. If you remain too ignorant of reality, then it is very plausible to assume that anything an ignorant mind creates is far inferior to the mind that is far more involved and situated in reality. It is bad to assume, however, but for the time being, it is ok to live with this assumption. It’s more than a lot of people seem to conceive. 

First, it needs to be understood that we live in an ever expanding universe. We can say that we know that, but do we know that in its simple base meaning, or do we truly conceive of what that actually means? If human beings allow themselves to stop understanding new things, then mankind will wither away into degeneration. Now, things have not gone that far, of course, but we are certainly in a downward spiral, and though people seem to “get it” they feel powerless to do anything about it. But perhaps the solution is far simpler that we realize. 

The greatest thing to address is teaching our children the meanings of creativity and genius. We need to teach kids that every human being can be creative in his or her own way. Genius is not a relative concept, it is universal. We just need to broaden our understanding of these concepts.

People in education seem to think they are so enlightened these days, letting kids “learn in their own way.” But isn’t that synonymous with putting a kid out on the city streets with a few bucks and a rather useless pamphlet of “popular attractions”? I feel like that’s all our school systems do for kids these days. Today it seems schools exist more for “college-preparatory” purposes, and understand that college should not, and I repeat, SHOULD NOT be something that is for everyone. There are some people that are simply not academics. It is simply a fact. Then again, academics in this day and age, at least in many places, are pretty much a joke. 

It seems that public schools only hold kids over and then essentially ship them off to technical school or college, with only the most barebones skills to succeed, never mind excel, in those institutions. It is incredibly frustrating for true professional educators and academics to see this happen, but the system seems to have passed them by, and gave them students that seem to have little real interest in anything important, to the point even the textbook companies have watered everything down to make even going to college an absolute joke. 

Try putting textbooks from even twenty years ago to College Seniors today! They would be befuddled beyond belief. “I don’t get it,” too many of them will say. This is not an inherent fault in the students themselves. The education which they were required to receive has failed them horribly. Only those that have truly worked extra hard for their education seem to truly understand what there is to understand. It’s hard to say what they have gotten out of their “higher” education, either.

I have many issues with the American educational system. But perhaps the greatest I have is the more general sentiment I have that schools are far underperforming what politicians would like us to believe from their bogus test results. You can teach a monkey to take a test and pass relatively well. Essentially, we treat our kids like chimps. So, magically, they become chimps! Now, how did that happen? (Sorry, if I offended any chimps out there.)

Perhaps I am far too bitter about my own mediocre educational career to truly be objective. But it makes me very angry to feel like I have wasted so much time and money trying to receive this piece of paper that serves as a ticket to a “decent job.” Not a great job, or even a good one. A “DECENT” job. And most jobs I’ve seen seem pretty uninspiring to me. 

If you really want to understand something, read as many books as you can on the subject and related subjects. Then, sit down and work through any difficulties or inconsistencies you find in your reading. You learn far more that way than doing research for any old term paper. 

It took me nearly a hundred thousand dollars and over four years to understand that truth. Hopefully by reading this, I save you and/or someone among your friends and family from making that same mistake.